The Easter Mutt
by Dreamchasereternity
Summary: The date: Easter Eve, 2005. The place: The homes of thousands of unsuspecting people who are about to receive a visit from one of the most horrifying creatures to ever disgrace the animal world...The Easter Mutt!


"The date: Easter Eve, 2005. The place: The homes of thousands of unsuspecting people who are about to receive a visit from one of the most horrifying creatures to ever disgrace the animal world...The **_Easter Mutt_**!"

The TV channel was quickly changed. Yusuke began to complain, "HEY! We were watching that!"

"Well, now you're not." replied the dark brown haired girl who had turned the TV off.

Yusuke threw some popcorn at her, "That's not fair, Autumn! Turn it back!"

"Nuh-uh! Look, you can watch this nice baby show instead!" She pointed at the colorful people in animal suits who were dancing on the screen. Some guy's costume head popped off and he screamed 'I'm NAKED!' before running into the background and falling over backwards.

"Oh! I love this show!" yelled Kuwabara. He saw his friends staring at him, "I mean...What a dumb show! Only babies watch that!"

Kurama looked over from his chair, "Why don't you just let them watch the show?"

"Because it's all about the darkest day of Harm-" Hinote's explanation was interrupted by a remote being flung at his head. An alarm sounded in his pocket and lights started flashing.

"_Warning!__ Rectangular object flying towards you! Warning! Warning!" _A mechanical voice announced from Hinote's pocket.

He caught the remote and held up a small box which was making the noise. "This is my new security system. My doctor said I'm dangerously low on brain cells from you and Flash always hitting my head so he gave me this. Cool, huh?"

Meanwhile a girl with long black hair and silver bangs had snuck up behind him and taken the object. She walked over to Autumn and stopped in horror when she saw what was on TV. "ACK! Turn that off! This is _my_ basement, _my_ TV, and _my_ rules! NO BABY SHOWS!"

Hinote nodded and changed the channel back to the Easter Mutt show. Autumn hissed. Flash pointed, "Hey isn't that...?"

"Yeah, that's Harmony in the part time Easter job she took last Easter." Hinote nodded.

"_Warning!__ I am being thrown at your head! Warning! Warning!" _Hinote's machine warned when Autumn took it from Flash and threw it at Hinote. It connected with its mark and Hinote fell over unconscious.

Hiei jumped off of the window sill and pushed Hinote out of his chair. Hiei then seated himself, "That's what you get for stealing my seat."

"Shh! We're trying to watch the show!" Yusuke hissed.

"So what was this mysterious creature we've come to call 'The Easter Mutt'? There are many theories on what it could be. One theory is that it was a visitor from outer space. Another is that it was a spy sent from France to destroy our nuclear missiles so that our president could no longer destroy the world by pushing random shiny buttons. Yet another theory is that this creature is the missing link between domestic rabbits and their prehistoric ancestors. Whatever the theory, we must accept the fact that this Easter Mutt is real and that someday it will return to hunt our homes again and when that happens... We must be prepared to deal with it."

"Oh, this is ridiculous! Must we watch it?" Autumn complained.

"Shh!" silenced Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Flash.

"Let's take a moment to visit some victims of this horrible beast... For this we travel to Long Island, New York. This is Anna. She claims to have had a run in with the Easter Mutt in her home when she got up to get a midnight snack. Let's hear her story."

An overweight man wearing a woman's wig and woman's clothing, holding a handkerchief came on the screen. He started bawling into his handkerchief and speaking with a thick Swedish accent. "It was horrible! I got up to get a piece of chocolate cake to eat as a small snack but when I walked into my kitchen it was there! It was a large pink rabbit with the face of a pretty teenage girl with glowing blue eyes. Its tail was a long black fluffy tail, maybe like a fox tail, definitely not a bunny tail.

"This thing, it was looking through my kitchen cabinets. All the food was on the floor in a big mess. When I screamed it hissed and looked at me. It threw an Easter egg on the ground before disappearing and I grabbed it. It looked very yummy so I tried eating the egg but I couldn't! That's how horrible this thing is! It left me an inedible egg!" The man started bawling more.

"There you have it folks, the testimony of a traumatized victim. But was this woman simply imagining her encounter or was this creature really in her kitchen? And if it was, how did it get inside? Let's talk to our resident expert on the supernatural: Shawn Shimmywiggy."

The image of a desk piled with pictures and articles of Santa appeared on screen. The top of a guy's head appeared looking over the edge of the desk at the camera. It hid under the desk again. "Yes, um, this creature could possibly have had the ability to go down chimneys, like Santa, or walk through walls, like Santa. Maybe this creature is really Santa in disguise trying to move in on someone else's holiday! He gets more attention than he deserves already but now he's got to steal the Easter Bunny's holiday! That's just sick, man! SICK! Stick to your own holiday, Santa!"

Shawn stood up and slammed his hands on his desk, "I told everyone Santa's evil but do they believe me? No! He's evil, I tell you! He's everywhere! He knows if we've been naughty or nice! He sees us when we're sleeping! Don't you get it! He's trying to enslave the human race! He implants machines in our brains when he comes into our homes! That's why I tore my chimney off of my house with my bare hands! There's no way that fat bastard's getting in _my_ house! STAY AWAY FROM ME, SANTA!"

**Meanwhile, in the North Pole**:

Santa snorted and drank more Santa can Coca Cola. He changed the channel, "Bah Humbug!"

**Back in Flash's basement**:

"Wow. Just wow." was Flash's only comment.

"Now, let's visit with an expert in the field of rabbits: Bunny McBunnington. Bunny, what's your opinion of the Easter Mutt?"

"Well, it's my belief that the Easter Mutt is just a rabbit who happened upon a toxic waste dump and was transformed into what these people saw. It's the most logical explanation. The creature ran like a coward after being spotted by people, just like a rabbit would. It had rabbit ears, just like a rabbit. AND it had a fluffy fox tail, just like a rabbit. Not only that, but it had a zipper in the side, just like a rabbit. So obviously, it must have been a rabbit."

"Does anyone else see a problem with her explanation?" Kurama asked.

"Still not convinced that the Easter Mutt exists? Let's watch this simulation of one person's encounter:"

"It was about 1 o'clock. I was just coming home from...um..._work_. I knew my wife and kids would be asleep so I brought them an Easter basket full of candy to apologize for being so late."

On the screen was an actor getting out of his car and opening the front door while dragging an over-exaggerated Easter Basket.

"That's when I saw these two glowing blue eyes in my hallway. I turned on the lights and the creature flinched. I saw that it was a giant pink bunny with a black fluffy fox tail and two faces. One was a human face and the other was on top of the first. It was a smiling bunny face. The creature hissed at me."

A man with buck teeth and makeup making him look disfigured and gross was in a pink bunny costume with a black feather duster for a tail. He started flailing his arms, "Roar! Roar!"

"WHAT THE! I take offense from that!" Autumn's demon half, Harmony, yelled at the screen.

Flash snickered, "Really? I think it looks just like you!"

Harmony growled at Flash. Flash's hands turned into kitty paws and her face took on a kitty expression. She started cleaning her kitty ears and meowing. Harmony threw a ball of yarn at her.

"So I stood there staring at this horrible creature while it hissed at me. Then it stared at my Easter Basket and reached for it. Of course, I started trying to fight it away since it was for my family but the thing was persistent!"

On the screen, the Easter Mutt and the man both have fencing swords and are dueling. The Mutt wins and the man keels over dead. The Mutt then fishes through the basket, takes some candy and flees.

"While I was dead, the creature took all of the Cadbury Caramel Eggs I had and ran away. Then I got abducted by aliens and resurrected."

"That's so not what happened. The man screamed and ran away in terror when he saw me. He then climbed up a tree. Seeing that he had left me the basket as a present, I took the eggs and left." Harmony nodded.

"Harmony, how many times do I have to tell you that stealing is wrong?" Kurama scolded.

"Kurama, I wouldn't know how to steal properly if you hadn't taught me." Harmony responded, making Kurama grumble and drop the subject.

"Stealing the hopes and dreams of children is a truly despicable deed. Yet there are some reports that the Easter Mutt actually stole the children themselves. This is Merriam Krewe and her daughter Annabelle. Merriam claims that she was awoken in the middle of the night by the creature running away with her child."

"I was sleeping and I heard crashing noises. I figured it must've been the raccoons coming in through the doggy door again, so I tried to go back to sleep. Then I heard my baby crying downstairs and ran down. I saw this giant bunny trying to escape with my baby clinging to its tail. My baby had been hypnotized to hold on to the tail with her teeth during the kidnapping. I screamed and started beating the Easter Mutt with my broom. It started yelling at me to stop in English! It was then that I knew this creature stealing my baby was a demon from hell! It's evil!"

"A creature from hell? Was this creature really trying to steal that baby or was it all a big misunderstanding? Our resident demon expert will attempt to answer this question. Now, our demon expert has never appeared on camera before. He's so mysterious that we don't even know his name. We know him only as 'Zero'."

The camera is looking around a dimly lit office. A teenage boy with silver tipped black hair up in a pony tail looked up at the camera. He had one red and one violet eye. He was normally a dragon demon, but since he'd been living in the human world he'd gotten an amulet which hid his wings and tail from sight. He was sitting in his desk chair with his arms crossed, glaring at the camera.

"Naturally I have the answer to the question. The human race is full of morons. This so called 'Easter Mutt' was just some deranged lunatic in a bunny costume. She was searching for Cadbury Caramel Eggs because of some genetic mutation which forces her to obsess over caramel. She was able to get into the houses via the doggy doors on people's homes by transforming herself into her small animal form and walking through. As for the baby, the Easter Mutt was trying to get away from the horrible brat but wasn't able to before the mother viciously attacked her with a broom. Now go away, you sicken me."

"Deranged lunatic?" Harmony growled. She clenched her fist, "Oh, he will pay. He will pay dearly..."

"So, is our demon expert correct and we're making a big deal out of some stupid event?"

"YES!" Zero's voice yelled from off camera.

"Or is this creature really a menace from another world? That's for you to decide on your own..."

As a closing shot a close-up of a smiling Easter bunny came on screen along with deep voiced maniacal laughter. Kurama screamed and dove behind the couch.

"What's with him?" Yusuke asked.

"Kurama's had a psychological fear of rabbits since Autumn's April Fools' Day prank." Flash explained.

"Oh."

Kuwabara shivered, "Guys, I'm scared! What if demon _do_ exist?"

* * *

Due to the title of this story, Dream has been murdered by the vengeful fox in her head. If you wish to mourn her, please throw Cadbury Caramel eggs at her. Thank You. 

**Disclaimer**: Yu Yu Hakusho and all its characters belong to Yoshihiro Togashi. Flash belongs to Winter –iel –o burzum. Hinote belongs to EternalBlackNight. Cadbury Caramel Eggs belong to Cadbury.


End file.
